The Pendulum Swings

I have found my emotions lately, or maybe my resolve like a pendulum. One minute everything is wonderful, life is looking up, baby is doing so well and I feel like I could have 3 more kids and the world would be perfect. The next minute things swing south: baby is crying or I'm overwhelmed and not sure how I'm going to make it to the next feeding, let alone birth a few more down the road!

I want to write this all down to remind myself a year from now everything I was feeling - the good and the bad. The back and forth emotions are definitely present; especially when sleep is scarce. One day could be incredible and I feel I have everything under control and the next there's a glitch in his routine, I'm too exhausted to think or things just kind of fall apart.

I am a creature of routine and predictability. I don't mind some flair and variety every once in a while, but I love to know what will happen and when it will take place. Larkin is not a robot, though. He's a little human being- a BABY at that! My mom reminded me how much the Lord is using the challenges of raising a child to refine me and chisel away the selfish "unpliable" parts of me to mold me into His image. Just as marriage is designed, one author wrote in the Sacred Marriage, to make me holy, not happy.... parenting a child I am finding definitely involves the same refining process. Although it is the greatest joy I've experienced I know as Larkin grows we will enter into the unique challenges that each new season brings.

Several of my friends have babies who have started or did start "sleeping throught he night" at the age Larkin is at. Unfortunately my little man is just not there yet. He is doing great with his schedule during the day, eating every three hours and even doing well with his wake time and improving on his naps too. He has now transitioned solely to his crib for naps and nighttime (unless we have a dr. appointment or lunch where he will do great usually sleeping in his carseat).

Really I can't complain much, he is such a good baby. He gets more fussy in the afternoons but nothing horrible... but it's the night time lack of sleep that is hard. Last night little Lark woke up almost every two to two and a half hours and from what I could tell he was HUNGRY - slurping down that milk. I am thinking he is going through a growth spurt. After the feeding, changing and waking back up again, this morning it was super challenging to get up.

Sometimes I think if I just had ONE night to catch up on the last seven weeks' lack of sleep I would be a whole new woman! Or even 5 hours...But I just need to take this time as the refining the Lord sees I need to become more like Him. More patient and kind to those I love... slower to anger and a wife and mommy who can more fully love her hubby and child in the way the Lord loves me - yikes I'm so far from that... So much easier to write out than live out.

Well....Off to nap! Here's my precious little monkey! He's waving in the second picture... Pics and moments like these God gives me to make it all worth it! Oh he can melt my heart :)